Self-confidence is not found in the perfect pair of jeans … it’s not having the sickest vehicle … or being amazing at school sports … It’s not about the perfect job … or spouse … or dog … or pencil crayon collection, etc. etc. etc.
Self-confidence is a mindset. Good news about that is: it doesn’t cost any money … doesn’t require any talent … and you don’t need any special equipment.
Keep in mind that developing yourself is a process – much like flat abs, it’s not going to show up without some serious effort on your part. Here are a couple things, in no particular order, that I’ve found useful along my own journey. None are more important than the others, so I’ve listed them all as #1.
I wrote them with an open heart – I hope you’ll receive them with an open mind.
Learning to like the person in the mirror difficult because most people have spent but instead of trying to get diapers or avoiding the barrel together try something as simple as a smile. Bill Tabing to a complement hate you look nice cute dress good job on your make up can’t find anything nice to say to yourself perhaps you can complement good job we did growing up eye balls or how nice your hair is growing or something…anything positive will do.
Not so sure yet?
Eventually, liking the person in the mirror I promise will need to loving the person in the mirror. You’ve just spent a lot of time disliking the person staring back at you…so it’s only logical that you’re not going to fall back in love with yourself overnight.
It will come, I promise. Give it time.
#1: Be Gentle With Yourself
Go easy on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up, and stop trying to be perfect.
Will it really affect your future if you miss a deadline, or or if the kids had to get take-out for lunch because you didn’t remember to pack lunches?
Understand that you’re just one person, and people have limits. It’s okay to have limits. Actually, limits are healthy.
When you can control your internal dialogue, the rest seems to fall into place. It’s got something to do with vibration – which I’ll write about in a few weeks – basically, we all attract things into our lives based on what we think about and what we feel…and it is Universal law that our vibration can only attract similar vibrations. If we think of our vibration like the keys on a piano – pressing a D-minor key but expecting an A-sharp sound to be produced would be ridiculous, right?!
Quit comparing yourself to others – and just do you.
You are Natures Greatest Miracle.
You’ve got this.
#1: Say Nice Things
The world is not out to get you. If something goes wrong in your day, don’t beat yourself up about it. For example if the dog food delivery doesn’t get there on time, or you wake up and it’s cloudy, or traffic is unusually heavy during your commute.
The default story you tell yourself might be something like:
“Go figure, bad stuff always happens to me”.
I call this a grumble grumble grumble mindset and one that will only bring you more of the same.
Words have power. Especially the ones you say to yourself.
I suggest making a list of the Top 10 things you like about yourself…ready it three times daily. If you’re not sure what to write – ask a child what they like best about you…they’re honest and haven’t yet learned how to lie so you’ll get a clear answer.
As a kid, my grandma always used to tell me
“If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.”
She also told me that eating mushrooms would make my boobs grow. Clearly, she knew what she was talking about.
Rather than remaining mired in negativity, try saying – or thinking – something positive. Immediately. Saying nice things will help re-train your brain by reprogramming the neuro pathways so that next time the same or similar experiences happen, your default memory will be positive. In my opinion and from experience, when the memory is positive, it allows you to absorb whatever lesson is being taught so you can move on and learn new lessons [and make new mistakes].
Evolution doesn’t happen over night, so don’t dismiss it after one or two tries.
#1: Vulnerability is a Virtue
Be kind to everyone for you never know what that other people are facing. It’s a basic life principal: Give More Get More. The Universal Law of unending returns tells us that your good deeds will come back to you. What you give to people – that’s what you’re going to get back. What you give is up to you…if you seem to be grumbling a lot…refer to #1: Say Nice Things, above.
#1: That Song You’re Listening To Keeping You Broke
Now you might be asking, how on earth could this be relevant to self-confidence?? And it may sound like passing blame and/or not taking responsibility…but stick with me here.
I assure you, the impact of what you allow into your subconscious. has a profound and notable impact on your behaviour and your actions.
On the week 2 webinar we learned that there are 4 Billion subconscious connections firing in our brain – as compared to only 2000 conscious connections. True story!
Remember any jingles from your childhood? Perhaps you haven’t heard it for 15-25-35 years, yet when played, you recall it word for word, and can still put the correct emphasis on words as though you consciously recalled it yourself? Our brain retains information that we don’t even register as important. So I assure you, the gossip and mindless chatter sneaks in there too!
#1: Negativity is a Lousy Roommate.
The news was basically fear mongering and I didn’t ever have time for all the associated drama, so I stopped listening to the radio, and eliminated watching the news. When I did tune in, I never heard any money come out of it – the radio, nor the news have ever paid my mortgage, and has never put food on my table – so instead, while in the car I listen to audio self-improvement audio some ones that really helped get my mindset in the right place. It’s not what I learned, it’s who I became as a result of being surrounded by these great people that has had the biggest impact on my life. With so much negativity all around, it is important to disrupt your brain. Don’t let negativity live rent-free in your mind.
Mind your mind. Keep it positive. Find the good.
Napoleon Hill wrote THINK-and-grow-rich. Not DO-and-grow-rich.
So I listen to the signs a person with cheap meant by Napoleon Hill I listen to the strangest secret by Earl Nightingale I listen to return to love by Marianne Williamson I listen to think and grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and the countless hours that I’ve spent with them as my silent partners with them is my mastermind group have got me to where I am today and I am so thankful that I didn’t just listen to the radio!!
#1: Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged
My daughter does not want to be judged EVER. In fact, the thought of being judged paralyzes her. Yet ironically, she’s probably the most judgemental person I’ve ever met. The psychology behind her logic is this: If she judges somebody before they can judge her – then their words have no power. She has it half right.
If you ever went to junior high then it’s likely that you understand what it feels like to be judged. And most likely, what it’s like to judge other people as well.
Ultimately it’s just easier to point the finger at somebody else make them feel bad so that we feel good. Remember, when we point the finger, there’s 1 pointing at them, but 3 pointing back at ourself.
#1: Introspection – Get Used To It
Most often other people based on the here maybe give me something to somebody else forget to try and bring them down to your level if you can’t feel better about yourself. Where’s the logic – make somebody feel shitty about their flaws because you’re insecure about your own flaws? When did it become easier to attack others – even if it is subconsciously. Is it really so hard to look yourself in the mirror and say nice things; to be gentle with yourself and focus on your strengths rather than your perceived deficiencies.
To be fair, I know at first this is hard – but keep tabs on how you feel, and how you respond to situations and when you feel that ‘pang’ in the seat of your soul – that’s when you need to pay attention and do whatever it is you’re running away from.
#1: Live In The Truth
Have you ever met someone who lies about everything? Little white lies… exaggerations… some people seem more comfortable lying than telling the truth. Sadly, they lie so much that they begin believing their own lies, and then the truth is impossible to discern, even for them.
You rob people of the joys in life when you lie. So don’t do it. It’s a shitty thing. It takes so much from you and your family from the people you love it ruins surprises and drains excitement when you lie – just don’t do it.
#1: Embrace 100% Responsibility
You have to take 100% responsibility for everything that you do…and for everything you don’t do for that matter.
…for everything that you think
…for everything that you say
…for every action that you take
…and for every action that you don’t
It’s actually very freeing.
Don’t make excuses…
…not for being late
…not for missing a deadline
…not for not having enough time
…not for the car you drive
…not for the state of your relationships
…not for the state of your life.
Own your s**t.
The good and the bad.
Only then can you being see things objectively, and hopefully, welcome change.
#1: Be Courageous
The more often you choose courage, the more often you’ll succeed.
#1: Express Your Gratitude
You’ll never get what you want if you can’t be grateful for what you’ve already got.
Love let’s us see ordinary things in extraordinary ways.
With love you can be courageous. You an take responsibility. You want to help others and you don’t feel the need to judge. It’s a very nice place to be.
All of this has become more clear during my 36-months with MKE – I’ve either learned it or had it become more clear.
I don’t simply comprehend these steps, I live them everyday. And it is all sunshine and rainbows in my life – even when it isn’t. I choose to find the silver lining – to see the glass as half full – to believe that I am very blessed and highly favoured.
Will you answer your call to greatness?
You’ve got this.
Curious what moved me this time last year: MKE2 | The Cliffs of Insanity