MKE13 | What am I missing??

I’ve realized something pretty epic…the more I learn the less I actually know. I guess that means I’m succeeding and struggling. A truth that sucks sometimes…in an awe-inspiring kind of way.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been trying to merge what I’m learning – and un-learning for that matter – with what I’ve been living by…my JennyJenJenCode…my Jennergy.

Feels like I’ve been in an endless battle-of-the-wits between my past and my future. A bizarre, torturous, but yet glorious 2-steps-forward-1-step-backwards kind of dance; a crusade, blinded by ritual and orchestrated upon half truths, hazy directions, and good intentions. Packed with enough misinformation to provide a lifetime of adversity, righteous autonomy [just enough to retain my sanity], and a scattering of Universal favour to remind me I am indeed, Very Blessed and Highly Favoured.

I see now how everything I’ve done in the past has shaped my current reality, and for that I’m so great-ful [both great, and full of gratitude].

Yet I feel like I’ve been under a perpetual fog for a decade and a half. I seem to be able to master anything and everything I touch – yet I have no idea what truly drives me.

I’ve become so astute at figuring out the correlation between all things…connecting the dots…it continues to amaze me that I still can’t figure out what the hell I’m doing here, on earth?? Shit.

Every once in a while, I am graced with quick, temporary glimpses of purpose, fleeting moments of fulfilment that have the power to fill you up again – if you let it. If I let them. I promise I will let them.

question mark header image lightbulb

Why can’t I picture what I want?

Why can’t I narrow down what I am working towards?

Why am I stuck?

WHAT DO I WANT?

aargh.

Marianne Williamson had it right; it really is my light, not my darkness that scares me the most.

We are never prepared for what we expect. — James Mitchner

So, what am I pretending not to know?

If the future me doesn’t know, and doesn’t care about my history…she doesn’t know what I’ve struggled with – doesn’t know what I am struggling with…the future me simply moves forward, free of bias or limitations. Then, sadly, it is my current self who brings all the baggage from my past along for the ride. My future, in and of itself, is baggage free.

So as I walk you through the evolution of my thoughts, so too, you will witness the evolution of my DNA for once I realize that I know what I once did not know, the old me is no longer.

What do I want to be known for?

What’s my Legacy? My Dynasty?

I enjoy helping people, I enjoy leading people, helping them think. This constitutes a big part of my DNA. We should choose ourselves who we believe in…I believe in myself. Developing more confidence throughout the MKE course and realizing I’ve got to think for myself! If nothing is happening towards my DMP, it means I’m doing nothing towards my DMP. Very simple. Harsh reality. Truth really does hurt.

It fills my cup when people spend time with me and feel better about themselves as a result.  I need to remember that I am having an effect on other people…there’s no logical explanation of the ripple effect, but big or small, I am having an effect.

Constant thoughts of gratitude are a great form of beauty. You can put yourself in the way of beauty – there’s a sunrise and a sunset everyday and you can choose to be there for it.

Talking about my personal evolution…thinking for myself…how beautiful is that. By the end of 2018, this sentence will ring true and pure for me, but right now it’s pretty scary.

Once I let go and expected that I could do anything that I wanted, it became very easy to say I LOVE YOU in the mirror 100x daily.

Your intuition – the way in which the Universe speaks to you.

Your happiness is in direct proportion to the degree you listen to your intuition and follow it. The degree to which you suppress your intuition and live a lie is the degree to which you will suffer and experience misery. You choose.

Sometimes, you will not be able to see where you are going in life—clearly. But know your Soul’s inner GPS will guide you home. You will find that you will be the right person, at the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, rightly. 🙂

How many times have you had a gut feeling about a person or a situation?

An innate confidence that you know what needs to be done?

How many times have you not listened to that voice?

We have all done that.

Yet, we all have that sense and inner guidance. Not listening to it is costly, often more than not costing you your happiness.

Intuition is the sense that arises from the deepest part of your soul. Intuition is the pure impulse of your Soul; nudging you in the direction of your highest path. Intuition is beyond your mind, your logic…your emotions. Emotions are often rooted in your past conditioning…forming personality and character.

If you’re willing to be honest, truly, when faced with a tough decision, often times we will instinctively know what to do. Yet, we constantly question ourselves:

What if I am wrong?

What should I do?

What if it doesn’t turn out like I plan?

How can I be sure?

Let’s discuss the curse of the ‘I don’t know’ excuse. Truth is, if you confess your deepest truth, then you no longer have any excuses not to move forward or take action. Immediate action.

What don’t you want to acknowledge or admit?

What are you convincing yourself you are confused about?

Forget all that. Instead, trust your intuition. Think HAPPY thoughts.

You know what to do.

What causes one thing to flourish, or to die, or to take another course. Everything has taught me something. Everything I’ve done are the  exact things that got me to where I am today. And I wouldn’t change a single thing about my journey for there’s no way to know what makes one thing to lead to another.

For everything my path has taught me. And for everything I couldn’t yet know. I won’t even know where I am going until I get there. My life, like all lives, mysterious, irrevocable and sacred. So very close. So very present. So very belonging to me. And how wild it was to let it be.

-WILD (a movie I discovered on Netflix late NYE 2017)

10 Replies to “MKE13 | What am I missing??”

  1. Why do I always have more questions than answers? And are my answers correct? Right thinking aiming for the “greater good to all” will lead us to our purpose our destiny. “When you come to a fork in the road take it.” – Yogi Berra

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are a wonderful wordsmith Jen, I always enjoy reading your posts. I share the struggle with feeling really sure what my true purpose is during my time on earth. For me, I can’t help but think that I have a series of missions in life, all connected by the notion of serving, or doing something good for the world. Since MKE, my awareness in general is much more acute, and my next mission is being directed with my DMP…but the really big picture is yet to be articulately visualized, lots of parts and pieces, but still a bit of a collage…..it’s exciting to know you are heading in the right direction, but unsure of the final destination….Happy New Year, it’s going to be awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jen, such an honest and introspective message. Thanks for your courage and humility to share it with the world. It helped me as I know it will many others!!

    Liked by 1 person

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