Relinquishing Control (v2)

Hi, I’m Jen and I’m a Control Freak.

My good friend Mark J. recently enlightened me that “all control is fear based”.

So I asked myself…

  • What am I fearful of?
    • Failure…why, why, why??
  • Is it worse to fail, or to:
    • not achieve?
    • not try?
    • not stretch myself?
  • What would happen if I fail?
    • Will I become embarrassed?
    • Will I die (exaggeration, much!)
    • Will I learn?
    • Will I grow?

…but perhaps the worst outcome of all, the one that carries with it the most trepidation  …Will I succeed?

After soul searching, crying, and having a figurative stiff drink, I realized – no, I admitted to myself –  that I am, indeed, more afraid of success than I am of failure. But also, and maybe more importantly, I am actually afraid of both success AND failure. So I’ve just kind of been hovering – for decades – in this space of ‘not quite enough, but more than necessary’.  Wow. And also ouch.

So naturally, I bounced ideas off of my Mastermind group while my conscious mind came to terms with this new defect (NOTE: how do you add strikethrough to text in a blog?) aspect of my character.

Investigating this query led me down a path of introspection which opened my mind to a multitude of questions, including:

  • What have I been missing?
  • What do I need to fix?
  • Where did this fear come from?
  • How was it nourished?
  • What aspects or events in my life can I pinpoint to prove this realization?
  • How has Subby been reacting to events in my life?
  • How has Subby been responding to internal and external factors in my life?

REALIZATIONS…smacked me right in the face!

My thought process was this…if I can reverse engineer the events in my life (jobs, businesses, kids, marriage, relationships with family and friends, self-talk…) and identify the triggers, then that awareness, coupled with the new tools (read: not coping mechanisms) can assist Subby in creating my new blueprint – ensuring my fear of success, and my fear of failure, are banished for all eternity.

Whatever thoughts I was thinking at the time brought me the results I have had so far. Clearly, I need to disrupt my thinking. In some aspects a little more than others, so overall, my thinker is going to get a good scrubbing!

This week I really resonated with that Mark J. said about realizing and acknowledging that everything in business has helped me earn money…either I earn money now, or I learn a lesson so I can earn money later.

[Hooked on a feeling song playing in my head]…I’ve been attached to this poverty mentality for too long; its not the money, it’s the feeling I’ve been attaching to the money…how do I feel about spending $300 for an electricity bill or a speeding ticket, vs. $300 for a flight, or my vehicle, or Sara’s horse? The first is painful, yet the second gives a feeling of elated happiness (and then the DMP stuff all hit me…why Mark says we must say it with ENTHUSIASM!! Ding, ding, ding…earth to Jen! Duh Hello!

I am learning how to not continue to make the same mistakes. Regarding the blueprint builder…I have been adding boxes in the wrong order. I am leaping over the chasm of doubt that has left me subconsciously shackled to a belief system that is entirely unfounded and is frankly, quite ridiculous.


What ‘channel’ do I need to start listening to? What to say when I talk to myself…our DMP is what we need to say…LINKING = The Greatest Salesman, The Master Keys and Mark J. helps to reprogram our beliefs and blueprints, and directs Subby what to do.

  • What should I be reading?
    • The Greatest Salesman in the World by Og Mandino
    • The Master Keys by Charles F. Hanell
    • What to say when you talk to yourself
    • Think and Gro Rich by Napoleon Hill
    • The Science of Achievement by Napoleon Hill and W. Clement Stone

Realizing that every word counts when sending instructions to Subby…I now question everything including the songs on the radio (which is part of my sacrifice in order to achieve my DMP).

What, or who, do I need to focus on, and continually listen to? For starters:

  • The Strangest Secret by Earl Nightingale
  • DISRUPT YOU by Jay Samit
  • Anything by Napoleon Hill
  • Go90Grow by Mark J., World’s Laziest Networker
  • MKMMA by Mark J., World’s Laziest Networker

The magic within doesn’t flounder…it’s WITHIN.   – Mark J.

I remain a Curious Discoverer!


I promise to…

Protect the environment in which Subby can flourish. Control my reaction and emotions to situations. Keep my Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) in check. Remain open – not be too attached to anything because as long as we are attached, we can’t be present.

I refuse to carry baggage, any baggage, going forward. Mine, or anyone else’s. My new mantra…’Not my monkeys, not my circus.’

I always keep my promises.

Jennifer Hope Conrad

7 Replies to “Relinquishing Control (v2)”

  1. Jen Great week 3 MKE post… I see you going deeper into the process. Again I am posting this to Facebook.


  2. Very well written Jennifer. I was really struck by the lesson this week that fear is the arch enemy of the Solar Plexus, and it blocks the light and energy from radiating through. That blockage is the reason for everything that ails us, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. If that’s the case, this should be a strong enough motivator to get rid of your fear. And if, for you, that means control… then conquer that dragon!

    Thanks for the insight Jen.

    Liked by 1 person

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