My game plan this week was to sit back and be a silent observer…of the process, the group, myself, and most importantly, my reactions! I noticed when I was hungry, when I was sad, when I was tired, and happy and mad and glad. I paid attention to the details with acute-sensitivity.
Perhaps for the first time ever, I observed as my subconscious began throwing a tantrum at the thought of new processes. I didn’t cave in or get discouraged, nor did I attempt to tell myself how great I was, or wasn’t. I simply identified the feelings in each moment, attempted to isolate the triggers, did my best to dismiss the immediate discomfort, and negotiated with myself farther than I had believed would be possible regarding with my old habits, and instead wrote it all down without editing, judging or trying to control it.
Overwhelmed has come to mind a few times this week. What I keep telling myself is that great minds have always faced great opposition. I’m compiling a list of all the blueprint components that aren’t serving me…and in six months, I will have a ‘burning-of-the-bras’ type ceremony to signify and celebrate Subby’s mastery of the new blueprint.
Quite often I find myself in auto-conversations…giving the canned responses, adding the obligatory laugh or nod or ‘a-ha’, overall not having to work all that hard to leave a good impression, participate in what (to them) is a meaningful conversation. I am humbled and honored, but need more in my life and honestly see MKE | MKMMA as the vehicle I’ve been missing to take my life to the next level. I am prepared for hard work. I am prepared to succeed, and to fail, and am eager with anticipation for the next best version of myself to emerge at the end of the six months.
What makes this all so interesting, is I believe we’ve got multiple blueprints, or patterns that we have developed throughout life. What I know to be true is that when I’ve been closest to a break-through, that’s when the universe throws the most crap at me. The night is always darkest before dawn type stuff. In the past I might have succumbed to the pressure, or the fear…but not this time, this time I’ve reminded myself of the bigger picture.
I am INSIDE the MKE | MKMMA…this is my safe place. I’m committed to identifying the patterns so I know how to recognize them, because then I can begin to change them. At the end of the day, whether I am on auto-pilot in a conversation or inside my own head, this is my chance to elevate my existence, and live on-purpose, disengaging auto-pilot.
I remain a Curious Discoverer.
I always keep my promises.
Jennifer Hope Conrad